Changes
by Shipsshippingships
Summary: Life begins to go back to how they were before the events on Malachor. But then, like the flip of a switch, everything changes. Kanan x Hera
1. Chapter 1 - Kanan

**I own nothing**

Kanan had been afraid to face her at first.

He didn't know how Hera would react to his new blindness, he was afraid she would leave him.

They'd been married for years now, but he still felt like at the smallest slip up, she would leave him. With him not being able to see and a liability to their team, he worried he'd made a drastic mistake trusting Maul.

But the moment they neared the base and felt her presence for the first time, he knew they would face this together.

The only emotion coming off of her when they'd landed and Ezra helped him out of the ship was concern. There was so much tenderness in her touch when her hands had landed on his face to inspect the damage. When she'd hugged him, he'd only felt reassurance.

Yes, they would face this together.

The days that followed dragged on. He was constantly in and out of medical. For the most part, he was just tired and in pain. The pain stopped bothering him after a die or so, but annoyance set in soon after.

Annoyance that he'd never get to see Hera again, that he could barely walk two feet in the ghost without bumping into something, that everyone was tiptoeing around him. It all led to a argument between him and Hera.

It all started when Sabine got him a plate of food. The young rebel mostly kept to her room, but since he became blind, her presence was always nearby.

They were about to sit down for dinner and he was fumbling around when Sabine insisted she get him a plate of food.

He didn't remember what he said, but she suddenly disappeared, Ezra following suit a moment later.

"Was that really necessary?" Hera demanded.

He sighed and sat down on the nearest thing he could sense, he was relieved when it was a chair instead of something sharp. "I'm trying my best here, Hera, but you're all treating me like I'm going to break!"

He heard her sign and felt her begin to pace. "We just want to help you get on your feet, this is only temporary. You just have to learn how to do things differently."

"I have to do everything differently!" He snapped and she stopped pacing abruptly. He felt bad, but he kept talking. "Walking around the Ghost is different! Going to the bathroom, getting ready for bed, talking to people, eating. They're all different! You have no idea how frustrating this is!"

He heard her leave then and he truly believed he'd ruined everything, but then she returned. She sat down beside him and took his hand in her own. She lifted it up to her face and he flinched.

She'd wrapped a bandana around her own eyes. She'd made herself temporarily blind.

"Hera, you don't—"

"I want nothing more than to be able to take all of this pain off of your shoulders and carry it myself, but I can't," she interrupted gently. "What I can do is understand what you're going through. So, for the next rotation, I'll be blind"

After that, every single crew member under went the same thing Hera did. They were all more able to understand what he was going through and he was able to learn how to see without seeing.

He used the Force.

He could walk almost anywhere without bumping into something. Things that took more motor skills or fine detail were harder, but, for the most part, he managed.

Things almost were back to the way they were.

Except his sense were heightened. He couldn't just see what was nearby, he could sense most of what was going on with his crew and around the base.

Hera's presence was the strongest.

Kanan could sense Hera no matter where she was on this ship and, for the most part, on the base as well. He could almost tell what she was doing without having any visual clues.

Chopper would always be easy, he could be heard from a mile away. Kanan didn't need to use the force.

Zeb was easy to sense, he was the biggest thing around. Kanan could always sense the big guy.

Sabine was also easy to track, mostly because she never strayed from the four places she visited. She kept to a specific routine and rarely ever strayed from that.

Ezra was the one Kanan had the most trouble with. Seeing how close they were, Kanan thought the younger boy would be second easiest after Hera to sense with the Force. He was so wrong.

It was rare that Kanan could tell where Ezra was, let alone what he was doing. Before, Ezra would constantly be with someone. Now, he mostly kept to himself. There was something different about him, something Kanan couldn't place.

When he approached him about it, the younger boy had practically run form him.

He mentioned it to Hera while they sat in bed one night.

"Ezra went through a traumatic experience," she reasoned. "He probably blames himself for what happened to you."

"I don't blame him," he pointed out.

"I doubt he feels like that," she argued. "Just keep talking to him, okay? Make sure he's doing okay. We're not just a team, we're a family. This is rough on all of us, we need to face this together. No more solo acts."

He reached around and brought her into a hug. She rested her head in his chest, relaxing into his embrace. "I miss your eyes."

"I miss your everything," he informed her. He kissed the top of her head gently. "I love you."

She leaned up to peck him on the lips before settling into a more comfortable position to sleep in. "I love you too."

And then, everything changed.

Everything was fine a peaceful with the Force one minute and then, like someone flipped a switch, there was a disturbance. He couldn't place it, but his gut told him that nothing good would come from this.


	2. Chapter 2 - Ezra

**I own nothing**

Ezra feels the constant pull of the holocron.

He knows he shouldn't open it, but he wants to.

No, _he_ doesn't want to. _It_ wants him to open it.

He doesn't know how an inanimate object could want something, but he'd had ample amount of time to think in the last few days. He'd been avoiding Kanan, avoiding what he'd done to his master. And his mind had wandered.

What if it was there was more to the Force? It wasn't just good and evil, but one entity. If it truly was one entity, maybe someone could learn to use the powers of the Sith, but remain good at heart. If that was possible, was it a way to defeat Vader?

If it was, maybe the holocron _should_ be opened. They needed every advantage they could get.

But a voice inside of his head stops him every time. Sometimes it was Kanan, other times it was Hera. He's grown to love them and look up to them, he knows what they would say.

They would tell him how bad of an idea it was, how it would turn him evil and they would no longer be able to help him. He could turn into Vader or worse than Vader. Kanan would probably give him an entire lecture on the Force that would last for hours. They would convince him to destroy the holocron.

He knows they would and he can almost hear every part of their speech. He wants them to convince him, he wants it so badly.

But still he sits, in his bunk, alone, staring at the holocron.

It's been about a month that'd they'd been back and things had changed so much. Everyone was different, they had to be. Kanan was hurt badly and he is still learning how to use the Force to allow him to see. He's made good progress, but the progress is still slow.

Ezra knows that they haven't gone on missions because of Kanan. Hera wouldn't dare risk him or anyone for that matter. Their team is down one member, one powerful member. They need time to figure something out.

Which is partly why Ezra kept going back to the holocron.

They need something to give them the upper hand with Kanan unable to fight, something against Vader. And the answer may have been under his pillow for the last month.

Earlier that evening, he'd walked through their base and heard Hera and Rex talking. It pushed him to where he was now.

"We need to do something soon," Rex told Hera, Ezra could hear pain in the old man's voice, but knew he was ready for revenge. Ezra couldn't stand to be near him in the last month because every time he saw him, he was reminded of what happened to Ahsoka. It was his fault she was dead, just like it was his fault Kanan was blind.

No one said it and through the Force he knew that no one blamed him, but he blames himself. No one could convince him otherwise. He wouldn't forget what he'd done, trusting Maul. It cost the rebellion greatly, but his team had taken the biggest hit.

Their dynamic had changed, no one leaned on Kanan anymore — in fact, he leaned on everyone. Hera's attention had shifted from the team and the rebellion to Kanan and everyone else had to fend for themselves.

They'd all been used to Hera taking care of them that the first week had been rough. Ezra and Zeb got into huge fights about everything and Sabine snapped at everyone. It wasn't until they found Hera crying in the cockpit one morning that they got their acts together. This was rough on everyone, especially her.

"I know," Hera's tone was tired and distant, like her mind was somewhere else.

"We aren't much of a rebellion if all we do is sit idle," Rex insisted. Ezra knew this wasn't the first time they'd had the conversation based on the tone in Rex's voice.

"I know," Hera repeated dully.

"I'm telling you, Hera, this could be our chance to strike a major blow to the empire," Rex explained and Ezra could picture him waving at whatever plans he was showing Hera. "We need to act."

"I know."

"So why won't we?" Rex demanded.

Ezra heard Hera sigh, as if she was coming back to reality. "It's too early, we're all still reeling. We can't make any decisions based on emotion."

Ezra knew she was right, but Rex was also right. They couldn't make any decisions based on emotion, but they couldn't just sit idle.

Which is why he sits in his bunk, staring at the holocron. He will make his decision tonight — open the holocron or tell Kanan about it.

Logic told him that telling Kanan is the best choice.

The holocron urges him to open it. It has power beyond what he'd ever felt before. He knows it must have some advantage over the Dark Side.

What else did he have to lose, really?

He'd nearly cost the rebellion one of their members and two Jedi. It was his own fault that Kanan was blind and Ahsoka dead.

What else could he possibly do to make this worse?

He reaches out to the Force. He can feel Kanan sleeping peacefully, but Hera is still wide awake. He can feel stress and worry radiating off of her. He can't burden her with this or push this onto Kanan.

No, his only real option is to open it and face whatever he finds.

He has no real plan for what will happen after he opens it, but he does know it will involve him leaving sooner or later. To where, he doesn't know yet. What he will do, depends on what happens when he opens it.

He knows he's sticking himself on a limb that things will be okay, but he also knows they've run out of options.

He takes a deep breath and reaches out to the Force.

He allows darkness to swallow him whole.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sabine and Zeb

**I don't own anything**

"We're just wasting our time," Sabine told Zeb.

They sat on the outskirts of the base, watching the krykna. They wouldn't dare come near them with the sensors in place. She knew they freaked Zeb out, but so long as they stayed away, she didn't mind being near the. Plus, this was one of the only places on the base that offered some solitude. Kanan could sense them from nearly anywhere, except when they were here, they seemed to be out of range from his prying eyes.

Or, just prying. It has been a hard month and a bit since Kanan had lost his sight. She knew he was bored and testing his abilities of the Force which was why he was constantly spying on them, but it still bothered her.

"There's not much we can do unless Hera gives us the green light," Zeb grunts.

Her and Zeb had been meeting in secret the last few days to figure out the best way to convince Hera to let them go on missions again. Hera was dead set against anyone under her control going on missions. They were down two Jedi and they all knew that Ezra had taken a hit. However, they'd wasted enough time recuperating.

"The best thing we can do is go talk to her," she told him. "She'll understand."

Sabine often wondered if the person who had taken the hardest hit after Kanan had lost his sight was Hera. The older woman looked exhausted and was constantly taking care of the Jedi. Sabine knew that Hera loved Kanan and she hated to see him this way. She'd caught the pilot crying in the cockpit half a dozen times already, but there had to many more times when she would sneak away to cry on her own.

Zeb and Sabine ended up walking towards the Ghost, meaning to get Ezra and then talk to Hera. Their plan didn't work out as planed.

Zeb walked into their bunks and called out to the young Jedi.

"I'm not here," Ezra called back from under his covers.

"Have you even left your bed today?" Sabine asked.

"Yeah," Ezra said lamely. They waited for him to add more, but they were only met with silence.

"We need your help," Zeb told him. "We're going to—"

"No," Ezra snapped.

"We haven't even told you what we're doing," Sabine protested.

"Yeah, but I know it won't work or it'll be a waste of time," he retorted.

"Hey! Why do you have to be so—"

"Okay, okay," Zeb stepped in between her and Ezra. Only then did she realize that she was getting closer and closer to strangle the younger boy. "We're going to convince Hera to let us go on missions again, are you going to help us or not?"

"Hmmmm," Ezra said, almost sarcastically. Sabine stepped forward to swipe that blanket off of him and knock some sense into him, but Zeb stepped her. "No, I think you'll fail. I'd rather stay here."

She groaned in frustration and even Zeb looked surprised at the boy. She'd been sure that he would be first one on the sticking it to the Empire train. What had gotten into him that he didn't want to go on missions again?

She knew that he blamed himself for Kanan and Ahsoka, but she thought he, of all people, would want revenge, not sit around and mope. She wanted nothing more than to get out there, feel the rush of adrenaline, cause some trouble. Nothing had been able to satisfy that craving. Zeb felt the same.

They couldn't possibly be the only ones feeling that way.

"I will tell you she's not on the ship, however," Ezra said.

"Where is she?" Zeb questioned.

"She knocked Kanan out with pain medication an hour ago," he said, as if something amused him. "I don't know where she went, but she clearly didn't want him to know what she's doing. She's on her way back, right now though."

Sabine frowned as they left the bunks. What was Hera doing that she didn't want Kanan to see? She knew the others wouldn't bother her, but Kanan could see her every move.

Maybe she was planning a mission. Maybe they were finally going to act.

But when they reached the ramp, they could see Hera walking towards them. Her arms were holder over her chest, as if trying to make herself smaller or hold herself together. When she got closer she looked up, they could tell she'd been crying based on the old and fresh tear tracks.

"Hera," Zeb started, but she just waved him off. She walked past them, most likely headed towards the cockpit for some solitude.

Zeb started to follow, but Sabine out her hand on his arm. "Let me," she requested. She followed after the woman at a brisk pace.

Her and the woman had a special bond. Hera was like her second mother, except she actually seemed to care and love Sabine. Sabine hated to see her like this and wanted nothing more than to help her through whatever she was feeling.

She found Hera sitting in the cockpit, staring at absolutely nothing. Chopper was at her feet, beeping to get her attention, but Hera didn't even seen to notice him.

"What's going on?" She asked, coming to stand right in front of Hera.

Hera just looked up at her, with tears in her eyes. Sabine thought for a moment Hera might tell her to leave, but then a sob tore through her chest. Sabine reached forward and pulled hers into a hug and she felt the pilot relax into the embrace and rest her head on her shoulder.

"I don't want to talk about it," Hera whispered.

"You don't have to," Sabine told her, gently stroking her back. "We're here for you, okay?"

She knew in that instant if they ever wanted to go on missions again, her and Zeb would have to leave their crew. She looked down at the sobbing woman and knew it would crush her, but she didn't see any other way.


	4. Chapter 4 - Hera

**I own nothing**

Hera felt even more exhausted when she woke up than when she went to bed.

For the most part, she slept through the night. Some nights, she was woken by nightmares, but last night was one of her more peaceful evenings.

It was still early, she could easily fall back to sleep. She wanted to sleep, but instead, she untangled herself from Kanan's arms, dressed, and walked to the kitchen. She always woke up early and either made breakfast or did repairs, that morning, however, none of those things held any appeal.

She made herself some caf and moved almost in slow motion around the kitchen. It was easy for her mind to wander when she was this tired, but she knew Kanan could be awake any second. He would either sleep for another few hours or wake up from a nightmare. She knew he would be able to tell how she felt and confront her about it. She wouldn't be able to keep it from him.

She finished making breakfast and almost jumped out of her skin. When she'd turned around, Ezra had been standing behind her. She didn't know how long he'd been standing there or if he could sense her despair, but she plastered a smile on her face.

"Good morning," she greeted. "Breakfast?"

He only nodded and sat at the table. The boy wouldn't look her in the eye, which set off a warning bell in side her head. She relax a bit when she sat the bags under his eyes, he'd probably just not slept well. She could relate to that.

She placed a plate in front of him and sat down across from him with her own plate. She asked "Did you not sleep well?"

"Something like that," he murmured, nibbling at his food.

She didn't have much of an appetite either, she hadn't for a while, but she stomached what she could. "I don't sleep much anymore, to be honest," she told him.

"I know," he answered, "I can sense when you're awake."

She wondered if he could also sense what had been going through her mind these last few days or what she felt.

"I think Kanan wants to start training again soon," she broke the silence. It never used to be like this between her and Ezra, they used to always be able to find something to talk about. "He's so bored, you know, but he's getting better at using the Force. You should talk to him about it, he feels like he never sees you."

Ezra nodded and then said, "I might. I'm going to go through some drills." With that, he got up and left the table. She looked across at his plate and saw that'd he'd barely eaten two bites. She debated calling him back, but when she looked down at her own plate, she saw that she'd barely eaten more than him.

And so, she got up and started her day. It was all normal until shortly after lunch. Her and Kanan were just sitting around talking when he started to complain about a headache. She was practically sitting in his lap and gently messaging his temples to relieve some of the pressure.

"Can I get you something?" She asked. Ever since he lost his sight, he got really bad headaches that left him barely able to function.

"I think I may go lie down, actually," he said rubbing his brow. She helped him up, if it were anyone else, he wouldn't have accepted the help. Or told them he was in pain, for that matter. He had so much trouble being vulnerable. "Can you get me some pain killers too?"

She did as he asked, but once she had the bottle in her hand, she hesitated. This could be her chance to go ahead with what she had been planning. Knock him out and he'd never know what she was up to.

Once he was fast asleep in their bed, she snuck out of the Ghost. She made her way to medical and did the one thing she'd been dreading. She asked for a test to determine if she was pregnant.

A droid administered the test. She waited not so patiently as it analyzed the results.

She'd been feeling ill for the last few weeks, but has chalked it up to exhaustion and stress. She didn't track her cycle, but knew it had been over two months.

A week ago, when the thought had occurred to her, it was late at night. Kanan was fast asleep, but she was awake with a churning stomach. She'd almost started bawling right there at the thought. They'd never talked about kids, it had always seemed like something for after the rebellion. She didn't know how he would take it, the timing was all wrong and he'd only just gotten used to their new situation.

"Congratulations, you are thirteen weeks pregnant," the droid informed her in a mechanical voice. "Everything seems to be running smoothly."

She started to cry. She'd sworn she would wait until she got to the Ghost, she couldn't walk through the base with tears streaming down her face. She tried to compose herself, but her it was useless.

So, she got up and walked back to the Ghost. She kept her head down and hoped no one would see her.

She didn't know if she was supposed to be happy or upset. This was supposed to be a good thing, a baby, half her and half Kanan. They'd created a new life. Yet she couldn't help it, she felt like her world was ending.

When she reached the ramp and looked up, she saw Sabine and Zeb. She wanted nothing more than to run from her crew mates, but she just brushed past them. She knew that Zeb said something, but to her it was all jumbled together.

She sat down in the cockpit, one hand resting in her belly. There was a baby in there. She had to protect it, keep it safe, kept it away from the rebellion. She and Kanan would have to raise it, which meant she would have to tell him.


End file.
